house of cards au where everyone can hear frank’s narration to the camera but no one has the heart to tell him
??????? is it 2014 or fuckung 1414? does the book have to be handscribed by monks and put on a ship from europe to come to the americas? does a courier have to wait for the spring thaw to navigate the treacherous rivers and roads to my city? did i order this on my laptop or did i just chip my credit card details into a stone block and throw it down the mountain? am i even going to be able to turn the pages or has our species not yet crawled out of the goddamn oceans and evolved opposable thumbs??????????
Hello Americans! I am an AMEROPHILE. I fell in love with your culture after I saw your hit shows, The Big Bang Theory and Family Guy. Now I understand your whole society, based off of watching just two TV shows! I know your “language” and find it beautiful! Bazinga! I love America because you really mean it when you say “I love you”! I declare freedom to football, 1776!
tumblr’s idea of “smooth as fuck” is like what an 8th grader fantasizes about saying to their date at the prom when they’re older